Elmore Leonard is one of my favorite authors. In his rules for writing, he advises not describing things unless they advance either character or plot. That is to say, we don’t need exquisite detail on the maid’s uniform unless it reveals something important about her or the story. Ditto, a minor character’s shoes or the lawyer’s office. This is one aspect of overwriting that is common, even among some well known authors. James Mitchner has been criticized for providing way too much backstory and detail in some of his historical tomes.
On a more basic level, overwriting can be summed up by Strunk and White’s famous command to “remove unnecessary words.” This includes more than excessive description and exposition. It encompasses sentence structure and verb choice.
One of the problems with being a fiction writer is that you can no longer read with a carefree eye. You notice issues such as clichés, repetition, and especially overwriting.
I’m reading a technothriller by a fairly popular horror author. I won’t mention the name because it’s not important and because the story is by and large pretty good. Yet, I see lots of examples of overwriting.
One example is overuse of start/begin. Instead of writing ‘she screamed’ or ‘he ran,’ this author frequently writes ‘she started to scream’ or he ‘began to run.’ Unless one intends to stifle that action, such as, ‘she started to scream but it caught in her throat,’ it’s best to be direct.
Another problem is describing details of an action in lieu of a simpler, more interesting verb. In this book that I’m reading, the author writes that a woman ‘moved her feet faster on the pedals.’ Wouldn’t it be simpler and more direct to state ‘she pedaled faster.’ Pedaled is a better verb that negates the need to describe how her feet are moving.
A third common problem that I see frequently is inclusion of words that are implied by the action. When opening an outside window, one needs not say, ‘cold rushed in from outside.’ It is sufficient to say, ‘cold rushed in.’ Likewise, you don’t need to say ‘her heart pounded in her chest.’ Where else would it pound? In her nose?
All forms of overwriting tend to produce reader fatigue. Over the course of a three-hundred-page novel, reader fatigue can lead to reader tossing the book aside instead of finishing it (and hopefully enjoying it). So, be kind to your readers and look for overwriting in your own fiction. They’ll thank you for it.